How to make a GREAT hypocritical essay

How to make a GREAT hypocritical essay

As based from the experience of yours truly.

First of all, you get this really really hackneyed topic, like, let's say, NATURE. Or to be more dramatic, pick stuff like how we can help the environment, what Al Gore says about global warming, how the youth is the hope of the environment... that kind of crap. Next is you try to FEEL something for you topic (like something that's halfway between concern and pessimism, but not quite). And then, my friends, you WRITE. Write as if you believe what you're writing. Write as if this very topic's fate hinges on what you're typing on your keyboard. Because in fact, this, to some degree, is true. So write with passion. Write with anger. Dictate. Preach. Command. Stir them to action and to such other huge displays of social responsibility. Let the guilty be guilty, ho! And let the sinners be beholden to punishment!

Of course with such subjects it's very easy to get carried away by your emotions. I bet you can spend two pages bemoaning the horrific statistics, and then a good two pages more numbering the people to blame.

Control, friends, control! Exercise thy emotions with frugality. Because you are actually beating around the bush with that technique. Unless you have a large page limit to fill in (which I doubt because even your English teachers are tired of reading these shoddy essays), that approach is not useful.

So what do you do?

You THINK.
of.
ORIGINALITY.

Think of an approach that wouldn't make you barf inside your mouth when you read your material. Think of something that hasn't been rehashed for more than a dozen times already (because by that standard, it's pretty new). REACH FOR THAT LAST FREAKING GLIMMER OF ORIGINAL LIGHT. The kind that streams down from the dust and crags of Old Material. Hold it. Treasure it.

And then my friends,

you BUILD.

Build upon that light and make it pretty. Arrange your emotions around it , to make it aesthetically pleasing to ear, eye and mind. Order it with Logic. Sprinkle in some humor. And most of all, kick in the rhythmically-appropriate words that will give your composition weight and credibility.

Thus it shall end, and thus shall you print.

So applause, applause. I'm glad I can help the verbally-challenged with making their essays, all the more if it's about important stuff. My essay-writing crash course is perfect for students who want to do good.


But really though.

If ANYONE these days has some bit of integrity left in them, nobody would be doing this sort of crap. NOBODY would be dedicating a week to oratoricals and essay contests and songfests dedicated to saving the environment. They wouldn't be wasting their time making unusable junk art and meaningless paintings.

If ANYONE care about the environment at ALL, they wouldn't just be singing about it. They would be OUT. DOING. SOMETHING. THAT ACTUALLY COUNTS! Like doing massive baranggay clean ups, planting trees, fixing the leaky faucets, replacing all the light fixtures with energy-efficient ones, having a no-fastfood/junkfood week... That sort of thing. If I really cared about the environment, I wouldn't be writing abominable stuff that I myself wouldn't follow; If I really cared about the environment, I wouldn't be using the electricity, paper and ink to fart out one fake essay.

This is why I absofreakinlutely despise this one week pantomime of caring. I cannot THINK about a problem-- I want to DO something about it! More than just thinking about it and holding placards and yelling, "Save the Panda Bears you fools!" More than that! Because in some cases, the thoughts, the intentions, do NOT count. You don't say, "Oh, I'm THINKING about homework right now," and then expect to pass senior year. Life doesn't work that way.

Someone should make an essay. Name it as, "The Importance of the Current Eco Week Activities in the Life of Earth's Creatures and Its Contribution to the Upliftment of the Dire Environmental Situation"

Cross-posted from Blogger... I think

I'm typing this now at Blogger. I should really figure out how to disable Mutiply's cross-post feature. The vast expanse of cyberspace is not as huge as I once thought it was. I figure that stopping the posts at Multiply lets me make more discreet posts. (Which is totally NOT the point of having a blog in the first place, haha.) That way I get to control the verbal diarrhea in case it does come up.

For now, please excuse the gushings of a high schooler.

It's IV-3's second to the last day in Baguio. Aww, I really miss them. Right now I think they're doing Father Edwin's trademark "Imagine" sob session. :)) I didn't cry during that time though, when we had it.

Because there's something wrong with me.

HAHA. Kidding. I just don't have any issues with my family, that's why I'm less prone to crying about stuff. I have nothing to cry about, though I did well up a tear here and there for my sake; the teachers must've thought I was emotionally incapacitated when I wasn't sobbing along with the others.

I don't SOB. I CRY. There's a difference. Crying is letting the tears flow, minus the agitating shortness of breath. Crying is like a more energy-efficient way of being emotional. And besides, I hate being incomprehensible when I sob. So I don't.


I have two compositions up for submission tomorrow. English and Filipino. The trouble is, they have the exact! same! topic! Is it cheating if I translate my English compo to Filipino? It's not exactly plagiarism... it IS mine anyway. The trouble is, I'm submitting the Filipino piece for the Eco Week writing contest (blame Ms Lacs, not me), and then I'm using the English version for the oratoricals. :)) Huwaddaheck.

Our topic is, "Youth: the Hope of the Environment". If you have any reactions, at ALL, to that subject, then drop a line. :))

In connection with that, here's an astonishing fact:

The hamburgers that McDonald's serves in a week equal more than 16,000 head of cattle. And it takes 100 times more water to produce a pound of meat than a pound of wheat.

I took that from a book published nearly 20 years ago. I wonder what the statistics are NOW.

How's that for food for thought?

So he IS coming

If you like Neil Gaiman, you might as well click this entry.

Hang out with the Dream King

A Gathering of
Dreamlings and Nightmares
with Neil Gaiman

Where Neil Gaiman reads from his latest works & answers your queries

Only 1,000 tickets available
Includes an autographed Beowulf manuscript

The first 100 attendees to register at the venue get to be part of the an exclusive book signing hour with Neil Gaiman.

El Centro Subic, Subic Bay
November 24, 2007, Saturday, 9am
Tickets at P1,500 (cash basis only)
A Gathering of
Dreamlings and Nightmares
with Neil Gaiman

Where Neil Gaiman reads from his latest works & answers your queries

Only 1,000 tickets available
Includes an autographed Beowulf manuscript

The first 100 attendees to register at the venue get to be part of the an exclusive book signing hour with Neil Gaiman.

El Centro Subic, Subic Bay
November 24, 2007, Saturday, 9am
Tickets at P1,500 (cash basis only)

Call Lucre Mae Villaluna at 09156436040 or (02)751815
Call Lucre Mae Villaluna at 09156436040 or (02)751815

---

Got this from Budjette Tan's blog. I was actually blog hopping from Elbert Or to Andrew Drilon then by chance, to Budjette Tan's site. Anak ng patatas! Hwaddya know! It has details to the affair! I remember Neil Gaiman saying something about talking to an ad congress. Well there you have it folks. I'm not sure of the exclusivity of the event though.

HAY. EVERYTHING is set on the 24th!!! The Variety Show, that Makati photo exhibit I want to see and then this. I just KNEW Neil Gaiman's visit would fall on the 24th. I knew it in my gut.

Oh well. As for Fully Book's event... they're not going into the specifics on their site. Hmpft. Please tell me if you know.

I might as well plug in the variety show. We have SANDWICH! Hehe. Come see, come see!

It's on November 24, 2007. Gates open at 5 pm. Tickets are P150.

Owrayt? AWRAYT!