Blee~!

Ayan. Summer na.

I did lie on my stomach last night and have the heebie-jeebies, but other than that (and waking up at 9:00 today!!!), nothing much has changed.

Truthfully, I'm not as attached to my class as I used to be. So saying good-bye was all right. I'm quite sure of the fact that we'll be seeing each other again sooner before we can blink. What's in a month? Four weeks? Waaaah, ayokong isipin na pasukan na ulit nang wala pa kong nagagawa!

Kaya eto ang gagawin ko this summer:

1. Mag-aral
Shucks. Into the belly of the beast and out the demon's ass. Kelangan na maghanda para sa ACT.

2. Go out with Patrick
Patrick. My! beloved! 35-mm SLR cameraaaa! *happy dance* I need practice handling film and the finer points of aperture and shutter speed. And I'll finally have time to do it!

3. Fix stuff
Oh yeah. I still have to pack my old books in boxes. Darn.

4. Get down and ARTSEH~!
Do more doodles, inking, get my game going. Practice, as usual, though hopefully with more direction. I'm getting burned out all the time.

5. Buy a darn good book
Provided that I have the money, that is.

6. Search for scholarships
Muntik ko na makalimutan. It's a "summer project" my aunt imposed on me. I'm eyeing Singapore at the moment, though I have to check back at their webpage because it's down.

7. Do some writing
Para naman maging writer na talaga ako, for a change.

8. Play with my sister
It sounds weird, but I really do like playing with my sister (kasi nauutusan ko siya, tas sunod naman siya, mwahehehe). There should be a Costume Day, a Movie Marathon Day, a Photoshoot Day (c/o Patrick-cam!), a Walking Day, Opposite Day...

9. Exercise
I shall cut down. Promise.

10. Unwind
Until my brain is as limp as a lovely, overcooked spaghetti noodle. Huzzah!

Yay! I love having time for myself and my hobbies. And I can finally get around to practicing all my piano assignments, because I've been terrible for a whole year.


Hehe. I feel a bit excited.

Unclean charades

Mad World - Gary Jules

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very Mad World
Mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Mad World
Illogical world
Mad World
---

Evil - Interpol

Rosemary

Heaven restores you in life

You're coming with me

Through the aging, the fearing, the strife

It's the smiling on the package

It's the faces in the sand

It's the thought that moves you upwards

Embracing me with two hands

Right will take you places

Yeah maybe to the beach

When your friends they do come crying

Tell them now your pleasure's set up on slow-release

Hey wait

Great smile

sensitive to fate not

Denial

But hey who's on trial?

It took a life spent with no cellmate

The long way back

Sandy, why can't we look the other way?

we speaks about travel

Yeah, we think about the land

We smart like all peoples

Feeling real tan

I could take you places

Do you need a new man?

Wipe the pollen from the faces

Make revision to a dream while you wait in the van

Hey wait

Great smile

sensitive to fate not

Denial

But hey who's on trial?

It took a life spent with no cellmate

To find the long way back

Sandy, why can't we look the other way?

You're weightless, you are exotic

You need something for which to care

Sandy, why can't we look the other way?

Leave some shards under the belly

Lay some grease inside my hand

It's a sentimental jury

And the makings of a good plan

You've come to love me lightly

Yeah you've come to hold me tight

Is this motion everlasting

Or do shutters pass in the night?

Rosemary

Oh heaven restores you in life

I spent a lifespan with no cellmate

The long way back

Sandy, why can't we look the other way?

You're weightless, semi-erotic

You need someone to take you there

Sandy, why can't we look the other way?

Why can't we just play the other game?

Why can't we just look the other way?

Yearly emo post-- maybe I should start an annual emo poem day too

We've started cleaning out the lockers. We've stripped down the boards too.

It feels sad. Because it reminds me of a funeral.

We're burying schoolyear 06-07.

In retrospect, this schoolyear was quite... different. I've been transferred sections and I'm still grieving over that. I've become bestfriend-less and I'm still grieving over that. I'm losing my life's purpose and I'm starting to grieve over that too.

Overall, I've made some friends, and lost a lot more. Let me give myself a pat on the back for once again being on the losing side of this stock market we call LIFE. And I suppose I'm currently swimming in the cesspool, with no anchor or support system at all.

I sorely, desperately, miss my friends.

The whole irony of it is, I feel unhappier when I'm with them.

Maybe it's because there's a curious coldness that sits inside my chest, needles poking in quite sharply on that beating organ in the chest cavity. Maybe it's because of that awful lump in my throat that seems to grow larger every minute. Maybe it's because most of these things happen when they're all laughing together over a private joke. Maybe it's because of many other things.

Or maybe it's really because there's no hiding the inevitable: that I really am simply a face at the window, peering in.


Well, Steve Casell, I now can see why you told Paul Dano that highschool years are prime suffering material. Then at least I'm assured that I can be a fraction of Ernest Hemingway in his later years.

Kasi kung hindi pala, sayang naman lahat ng iniyakan ko.

I want to put down everything that happened today

"My backpack-- that Amazonian jungle masquerading as a civilized lump-- has yet to unveil its mysteries to foreign eyes..."

The trouble is, I don't have a backpack.

I hate the English Prentice-Hall exercises. I hate writing a paragraph for a measly one point. Bah.
---

Today was relatively light. We horsed around during Swimming class, tried not to drown for two minutes when treading, finished up pretty quick; Ms Iggy was stuck in traffic(!) so Ms Nen had to sub for us. Nothing much to do in Filipino. Geom was the same, though Sir Andie (Wandy?) keeps moving on to new lessons when I haven't understood the previous one. Ang hirap!!! Kala ko pa naman pwede na mag slack off! Tsk.

There was an Econ teacher applicant who did a demo lesson for us during History. I remember Ms Henson's demo last year-- which was pretty bad, mind you, but considering how much I've gotten to know her this year, I can say that I really like her, in spite of the perpetual refrain of her favorite phrase, "in the sense that..." Anyway, the teacher was okay. Even though I was dizzy from hunger. Or maybe I was sleepy? [Hala, ayan na. Defense mechanism ko na nga talaga yung tulog sa gutom.] But I didn't enjoy it; I kept getting distracted by her fashion sense. And at that moment, I did not care to listen. Namiss ko tuloy si Ms Henson. Hmph. Binasa ko na rin yung LP sa CLE para hindi ako palabasin ni Sir Ruel at pagawan ng reflection paper. Nauubusan na ko ng cliche para mailagay sa mga papel na yun.

The meeting de avance (?) was after that, though I missed around one fourth of it. I was called for career counseling in the Guidance (finally!!), pero kelangan i-postpone. Aw. Matagal ko pa naman yun hinihintay.

The meeting de avance was all right... although it was draining to hear autobiographical repetitions and warm fuzzy ideals and etc etc... Not that I'm saying it's bad; it's just that the style is a bit... overused. But I don't doubt their sincerity. Maybe they just need to update their plan of attack and all. If I was up there, I'd rather discuss my planned programs one by one in black and white. I think it would entice people more if they actually perceived your plans to be in the range of possibility when implementing. It becomes something more concrete when you outline the processes clearly; it leaves the realm of the ephemeral "I plan to do this" stage. It just makes me think so much that I'm seriously itching to do an experiment exploring the student body's reactions to different styles of campaigning. But then that would mean that I have to "run", and I'm too lazy to do that.

I like the backseat. I also like backseat driving.

But anyway. Maybe it's just me. As that psychoanalysis/quiz thing revealed during the interaction, I am a hardcore right-brained leftie.