Hear me roar

I ARE BUMPAYURRRR!!!! RAAAAAARRRR!!!

Considering this blog's unchecked link-availability, would it be safe to say that I *cough*hate*cough* dislike/am annoyed at/*replace euphemism here* emotional vampires? Particularly ones that bawl in the middle of a crowd but go sniffy-iffy when asked.

But no, blog reader. I can assure you that it isn't you I'm talking about. Read on without fear.

I got a 93 in English. Not bad I suppose, for someone who didn't study at all. What's there to study? The test was going to be about a totally different thing anyway, so all of us were just left hanging... like that.

My review for the Chem test wasn't all that great either (read: around thirty minutes before I fell asleep, and roughly 15 stolen minutes when I got to school). I'm sure I messed up somewhere, particularly the concepts part (True or False was BLOODY).

I can say the same for Filipino: I'd say it was 30 minutes of ambling around, shuffling my vaguely-memorized notes in my head while sipping pineapple juice, wet hair hanging over my papers. I wasn't even done eating when Ms Esguerra arrived; I had to put the juice and biscuits down, stuff my "reviewers" under my seat and sit Indian-style to hide my unshod feet. The test was about a story... well, at least half of it was. Or else we would never have finished the thing. She dished out a four-page eye-popping, nerve-busting, scream-choking whopper of a Tagalog story. Font size? Arial 8, and I bet that was single-spaced. Oh the agony. I simply scanned the first page of the tale, gave up, ran over the parts of the test that I could answer and answered the rest of the story-driven questions when there was still time.

I had to take the Geom test after that, but I studied about half a night for that. I suppose it was okay, just confusing. I left around three items unanswered because I simply did not know, and no amount of praying would let me have an epiphany.

Hay nako, kayong lahat, mag-aral kayo para sa Geom, kasi baka maguluhan din kaya. Wag niyo kong tularan.
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Hay. A few weeks more and it'll be summer. And one year more and I'll be off to college.

It's funny now that I think about how resolved I was at the start of the school year to "to better".

I'm not doing better. Still a flat line.


Maybe I just don't have that kind of stamina.

I remember

There's something strange about the rain. It smells different. Summery and grassy. It doesn't smell bad, mind you, but it's... PECULIAR. Like it reminds me of something, somehow, that hits me like a wave of vague nostalgia. This certain rain smell... I can't remember what I'm supposed to associate it with. It's good but strange at the same time, as if it's too early this time of the year.

Oh hum.

Woke up from my nap with tired calves. Haha, as if I tired myself out on the Crosstraining, though actually I mostly sat around and listened. Nothing too physical, except for the time when we were running down the steep hill in the dark, protecting the candle from the facilitators who were blowing them out. I banged into Kuya Joey and hit my nose on his shoulder; I didn't try anything more radical after that.

I wasn't able to greet my blog a happy anniversary last February 14, so... Happy 2nd Anniversary blog! Huzzah huzzah. I still don't believe in Valentine's Day though (what's there to believe in?), but it's nice doing something special for my friends.

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I dreamed of my future today. My college future. Funny how it just hit me midway. It seemed natural in the dream.

I somehow knew that I was in UP for career consultation. The whole batch was there: cars were parked everywhere, as well as buses. Looking at the line of buses, there was a sense of separation that was hanging in the air.

We were told to line up by class numbers. Nika was in front of me. I didn't think much about it then, but I guess that would mean that I was back in I-5. It felt like that.

I followed the line (with Nika still the only identifiable person in it) from the consultation table (where Ms Virgie sat with her papers, sometimes speaking into the PA system as well) to another table a little distance away. The lady there, who looked like the school doctor, handed me two sheets of folded, formal-looking paper. The first was my test scores, the second was my course eligibility results.

I first looked at the former. It had two matrices; beside them were mechanics on interpreting the scores. I tried reading one, and here's what I saw (as best as I can remember):

"Back in the day, students used to think that the colon was a sick symbol used to signify nothing informative. Often it left them cruelly hanging in the air...

Now in our modern age, the confusion has finally been solved, and we are pleased to present this symbol deciphered! Please see the following to accordingly verify your grade."

There was a colon in one of the boxes. The lady congratulated me as she handed me the papers, and Nika did too, so I guess it was a good thing though I couldn't figure out why.

My course eligibility results were more like those what-course-should-you-take online quizzes. But it really suprised me. It said, "Digressed M.Ed."

Ano yun?!

To expand, it means "Digressed medical education". Ayan, nagimbento na naman yung magaling kong utak. It seems that it's still under medicine, but you get a teaching job after it, not a practice. But it looked like an OK course.

Haaaaay. Anubatoh. AYOKO MAG MEDICINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Grawr. Kung may childhood dream, eto ang childhood nemesis ko. Ni minsan hindi ko pinangarap maging doktor maski katiting.

Hindi ko talaga maintindihan.

Kwentong prom

What to say about the Prom? First that I enjoyed it immensely, in spite of being distressed and frazzled for the whole day. My nightmares told me that I would forget to have my hair and make-up done, that I wouldn't have shoes on when I arrived, that the decorations wouldn't be finished, that I'd forget to actually invite a date... I've been having those kinds of dreams for MONTHS. And the tension is just INSANE! Eeep. To think that it would haunt my dreams for months on end.

But it was worth it. The balls were worth it. The tears were worth it. The struggle was worth it. Sitting there, I couldn't help but be too happy for words: I was basking in the glow of our labor of love; I knew every inch of the designs and just how despairingly difficult all of it was-- I knew their stories. And it made it seem even more special.

I loved it. It was the culmination of our dreams and hopes. And I know that sounds cliche but... It just made me that happy. Even more that getting to the salon on time, having proper shoes, inviting a good partner/date/gentleman/alalay...

Hehe, guys, in spite of the power-struggle, we gave it our best and God did the rest. Everything fell into place, and even if I resented some people for the fight for creative control (one of my pet peeves!), conflict still resulted in creativity.

For myself, I'm just glad I accompanied Sabu and the rest of the "band" well. Thank you to Ms Ettie who saved me from the excruciating pain of studying a song that had three darned flats. Thank you to the parents, even if they overdid it sometimes. Thank you to the teachers for their "help" (though no sarcasm here, hehe). Thank you to Nika Gonzales, our beloved batch rep: di ko lang masabi sayo, but I think everybody looks up to you; I'm glad you're here for everyone of us.

And a big thank you to Bryan as well, for being such a grade-A gentleman. He pulls the chair for me everytime I sit down! Hehe, medyo nakakahiya na nga e, cause I keep running off and taking pictures so medyo madalas na kelangan niya tumayo para ayusin yung upuan ko. And I hope he didn't mind that I was rather quiet-- though it's the happy, comfortable kind of silence. Yun nga diba, I was too happy for words. Saka ang hirap sayawan ng bossa nova beat, that's why I preferred to sit/lounge while listening. Mga tatlong beses lang kami nag-attempt sumayaw. Nung una sinubukan namin yung Swing, e nahilo ako (must---regroup---!!!). So we succumbed to the waltz, and sayaw ng mga tamad at di marunong-- parang ako. Nangalay lang ako, at wala pa kami sa beat, which was bothering my musical sensibilities. So hindi na lang.

Anyway. Masaya na akong nakaupo.

And to everybody-- you're all so pretty!!!!!!!!! *luv* Lalo na kayo Zarah, Jenina, Pen and Shai! Hehehehehehe.