The World in a Woman's Handbag

Handbags are handy things, often carrying the bare essentials for beautification. It is a woman's best friend, besides her real best friend of course, and will always be there for her whenever emergencies come (unless she forgets it, and even then it is entirely her fault). I myself carry these things around, only I prefer sensible body bags (so I won't have to keep on re-shouldering it). The number and the kind of items usually depend on a woman's traits: extravagant, vain, simple, neat, indifferent and so on. And even though most bags have common items, it is the extras that make it interesting. I'll go to that in a bit.

So this paragraph will be dedicated to the so-called Common Things, things that you'll commonly find in handbags (duh). This is for those of you who don't know, those who have no common sense, those who aren't women, those who haven't pilfered a bag yet out of curiosity and those who simply don't care (and I reckon it wouldn't make any difference if you read this either). Well, that said, on to the subject.

I shall be using my own handbag (or body bag, if you want to technical) as an example.

I don't exactly like having a bag around. But it is a necessity sometimes. I can't stuff everything in my pockets, as much as I want to. That would mean discomfort indeed. So to save myself from that impracticality, I borrow a body bag from Ate. Its contents comprise of: my cellphone (when I remember to bring it), wallet, handkerchief, a book (as long as it fits), Ate's cd player (if she isn't the one carrying it) and perfume (yeaaaah, I carry that around).
Hm... that's basically it. If it's a sports thing I'm going to, facial wash, an extra shirt and a small towel are added. I guess oil film and sunblock would be good, but I'm not too meticulous about things like those. I like traveling light. Oh yeah, I also throw in some sanitary pads if it's that time of the month.

Well, it's not much. Pretty boring stuff.

On to the Extras.

One very excellent example of this is my Mom's handbag. It is made up 95% extras, and is so very ex-tra-or-di-na-ry that it borders on that and in-sa-ni-ty.

Upon sliding the zipper open, you are sure to be greeted by... A FEROCIOUS MAN-EATING VERY-MUCH-ALIVE CROC HEAD!!! AAAAAGH!!!!

...

Nah. Just kidding.

But that surely says one thing about the Handbag: It is quite a jungle in there!!! Well anyway, when you slide the zipper open, all you can see are papers... lots and lots of them, mostly crumpled receipts (though I'm sure our old report cards are somewhere in there, as crumpled as the heap around it). And that's the scary thing about it. You can't see the bottom. It's like the thick canopy of a forest, camouflaging everything that lurks in the dark. Everything smells like old paper and money, and believe me, it's not a pleasant smell if you've been around it too long. It (money smell not the bag) somehow mutates into the smell of a dead rat... but then again, that might be just my crazy imagination. There's also the occasional make-up kit, which reminds me of the plane crash ruins in Survivor Palau. But of everything that I've been talking about so far, the most mysterious feature of the Handbag is its Bottom. It is something that I hoped I would never encounter in my search for Mom's cellphone on the occasions that it would ring (which was as fruitful as finding a needle in a haystack). I swear, unearthly things live there. And most probably have been taking over the bag since who-knows-when. It is most likely that the bag could just crawl away if it wanted to, like a slimy-slimy slug.

Haha! I hope it won't.

Sayang yung pang-mall.