Karma deflector

Hindi ako nakapag karma deflector. And it has come back to bite me savagely in the arse.

There are a million things I want to say, a lot of it leftovers from the past weeks. This is one of the rare times I can actually sit down and type my feelings. My messy, difficult feelings of being in college, which I can't put down because my finger hits the backspace button every time I try.

To the Harbormaster (by Frank O'Hara)

I wanted to be sure to reach you;
though my ship was on the way it got caught
in some moorings. I am always tying up
and then deciding to depart. In storms and
at sunset, with the metallic coils of the tide
around my fathomless arms, I am unable
to understand the forms of my vanity
or I am hard alee with my Polish rudder
in my hand and the sun sinking. To
you I offer my hull and the tattered cordage
of my will. The terrible channels where
the wind drives me against the brown lips
of the reeds are not all behind me. Yet
I trust the sanity of my vessel; and
if it sinks it may well be in answer
to the reasoning of the eternal voices,
the waves which have kept me from reaching you.

Well at least CW 10 is good for something.

This is exactly it. I've been making excuses for too long, and it's time I owned up, despite the bitter truth: I have been found lacking. I hate it.

So this is frustration. Pleasure to meet you.

Isn't anyone else feeling the same? T_T Slap me please, I'm on the verge of losing my focus, and I simply can't afford it right now.